He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
