I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
