Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't deserve a penis
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
