I CAN MOONWALK!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
