Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
