There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
