I can text with my tongue
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
