I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
