she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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