can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
