So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
