Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
