I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize