I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize