forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
