And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
