Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Welp...herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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