Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's like heaven, but drunker
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
