i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
