I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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