Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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