i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
