No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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