My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
