it's too hot outside to masturbate.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
