I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
