Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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