I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
