ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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