Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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