I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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