you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
