The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
