I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
