I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
