just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize