I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
