Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
