Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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