sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
