wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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