Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
