You really coming over, don't trick.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
