toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We are two peas in an std pod
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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