from now on my penis is your penis
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
