I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
