I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
