ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
