ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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