This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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