her facebook's as public as her vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
