I hate all girls vehemently.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
