Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
