I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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