I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your cock deserves a montage
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
