Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
did you just send me my own nude
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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