I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
