please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
