I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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