I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
