PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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