I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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