are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
