So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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