2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
