Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
