I am spending my child support on dildos
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
