Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
