I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize