Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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